Friday, November 13, 2009

"Social creatures"?

I'm about to turn 34 and I have never been a social person. I'm an only child and have spent most of my time alone and actually prefer being alone, going on the internet or playing PS2. But for some reason if a person has no friends, no social life, then he is considered a loser. And when I ask why they always say something to the effect of "we are social creatures, normal people want to be around other people". But except for wanting a girlfriend (I've never had one) because I have needs (obviously sex, but also a woman to make me feel important, attractive because I'm very insecure), I really don't have much interest in other people. I see other people as a necessary evil most of the time, honestly. What is the point of being around other people, unless they are useful to you in some way? WHY is it considered normal? How is someone with a social life better than someone without one?

"Social creatures"?
I don't think it matters that you like to be alone or not...who is to say what is "normal."





But I pity the poor woman that you "choose," to be your girlfriend, as the reasons you cited are that you want her to make you feel important and attractive. That isn't anyone's job but your own.





I don't have many friends because I don't have the emotional energy to be supportive of anyone. I don't get any grief about it from anyone....I just prefer a quiet life with my husband and kids!
Reply:Okay - question: You don't WANT friends or you CAN'T get friends? Hmmmm... :)





Look, if you don't want to be around people, that's your choice. I love my own space too - I sometimes choose to spend whole weekends alone but then I start to crave the company of my friends.





They understand me.





They always get a round in.





They like the same music.





We debate.





We tease.





And (maybe most importantly) we really have a laugh together.





Why would anyone choose not to experience any of the above?





Unless they were scared.
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Reply:Yes, for the most part we are "social creatures," but it's wrong to say that someone who isn't so social, is abnormal. But see, you DO want someone to make you feel important and stuff. So, you're kinda social. You remind me of my dad. He doesn't like to get involoved with society and such because more of it's just bad anyway. :) You're not weird, there's lots of people like you. Nobody is better than anybody, because nobody is perfect.
Reply:You say you are very insecure. That is probably why you say you are not interested in a social life. Is your insecurity making it too hard for you to interact well with others?, to strike up a conversation with someone you don't know? If you were a shy kid, then you have just grown into a shy adult. You will not find a woman unless you are able to interact, connect with her emotionally and give and take.
Reply:Your insecurities may be holding you back. I really couldn't label an anti social person as a loser, that definition is too general, to simplistic. A loser is someone who, defiles humanity in some way or another(my opinion only) Anyway, "No man is an Island", we all need each other in some way shape or form. All relationships are a form of give and take. For example: You work for an employer, you expect a paycheck from this person, your employer in return expects that you complete the job you are assigned, so you both need each other to get what you want. If you want a girlfriend, you have to be social to some extent or you will never meet one, then again, if you find one and you only "take" her sex and never "give" her sex then you will find this relationship very short lived. ( Figure that last sentence out for yourself, it would be too discriptive for this format) Also if you don't make her feel as important as you want to be treated, you would definately be just truly "using" her. This I would call a one way street (All about you) All relationships are two way streets, an ebb an flow. It's much more fun to look at the beauty of life with 4 eyes instead just 2. Good Luck. Hope this helps.

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